Embracing the Blogging World…One Fearless, Inspirational Story at a Time.

What a view - Birmingham, Alabama

I’ve only been blogging since September 2011, but in that short period of time, I’ve been on a cross-country trip from Canada to California, I’ve learned how to make Tangerine-Pistachio Sticky Buns (haven’t made them, but at least I have the recipe!) and Brandy Spiked Chocolate Eggnog Cake —woooo lawd! (haven’t made that either, but my mouth is watering at the thought).   I’ve watch the sun set in Denmark (beee-u-tiful) and I’ve learned that there is some awesome architecture in Seattle, especially the city’s main library.

 I’ve shed tears over the death of strangers I’ve never met, whose lives were cut short by cancer.  I’ve read about folks who are anxious about job interviews because they’ve been out of the job market for 20 years.  And what about those budding entrepreneurs who start a business with nothing but an idea and an internet connection?  All of their stories are inspiring on so many levels.

I’ve experienced all of this through the words of folks I’ve never met.  Most of them I’m pretty sure I would hang out with or at least meet for margaritas or dessert as most of the blogs I end up reading are written by those who love good books, Mexican food, chocolate and good tequila. Most of my friends love good, soul-tickling, rib-sticking food and those are the folks I tend to gravitate towards out here in the blogging world.   Who out here in ‘blog land’ doesn’t love reading great books and looking for a bargain deal on cute sofa in IKEA or a colorful abstract throw or comforter?

A few of my interests

Many of us deal with the same issues and admit the same fears. I’m afraid of seeing my mom’s health decline because of this stupid, stupid cancer and I fear what will happen when it happens.  And almost all of us are trying to figure out how to deal with clutter, live a healthy life, find time to exercise and set attainable goals.  The Living4Bliss blog (Saundra Johnson) gives us pearls of positive, uplifting wisdom that provides practical advice for handling life’s sometimes unpredictable challenges.  Through her I’m learning that all we really need has been in ‘us’ all along.

More than anything I’ve learned that at the very core of who we are lies the essence of what makes us the same.  We may not all have the same religious beliefs or speak the same native language. But what we have in common, (the need to learn and grow, be prosperous and excel and the desire to love and share happiness) is what makes us the same.  That’s why we are out here baring our soul and sharing our fears with strangers.  How else would you explain it?

I love the Harlem Renaissance

This time last year I would have never shared these feelings with strangers. But my mom’s illness and the overwhelming desire to express my feelings and reach out to others going through the same thing trumps fear.

And I refuse to let fear win. 

Bloggers are fearless.  Bloggers and the lives they live are real, honest and raw.  And I’m proud to be a part of this community. I have finally learned how to embrace this world.

If you’re a blogger, why did you start a blog and what have you learned? Would you do it all over again?  If you knew then what you know now, what would you do differently?

Just Because

The colorful flowers in this post are from my boyfriend Van. He decided to surprise me the other night with flowers and dinner with friends.  He said that lately he thought I’d been a little sad.  And I guess he was right even though I didn’t think I was showing it.  For two days he text my friends about the location and the time all while keeping me in the dark.  He worked hard to pull it off because, well,  if you know me, you know I ask a LOT of questions!  Even though I was a tad bit suspicious, they still got me.  I needed that time with my friends LaShanda and Rod at ONE of my favorite restaurants, Firebirds Wood Fired Grill in Hoover, Ala.  To Van, the flowers were nothing special, but to me it was the meaning behind them.  Though I’m staying positive about my mom’s health, sometimes it gets the best of me.  

Remember that sometimes it’s the small things that make a person feel better.  A quick phone call or a an email of support even when you don’t know what to do or say.  The small things mean the most.

 And in case you’re wondering, the food at Firebirds was excellent as usual.  I got the Cilantro Grilled Chicken with smoked tomato jack cheese sauce, LaShanda had the BBQ Grilled Chicken Salad, Van had the Pecan Crusted Trout and Rod had the juicy cheeseburger.  A great time was had by all!

Pecan Crusted Trout ~ Courtesy Firebirds

Not Gonna Wait

It’s 10 p.m. CST, New Year’s Eve, 2011.  In a couple of hours we’ll mark the changing of the calendar into 2012.  When did changing into a new year become a ‘holiday’?  Stores close early, some restaurants serve ‘early dinner only’ and banks don’t process checks if January 1 falls on a weekday.  I wonder why we don’t celebrate any other day the same way we celebrate January 1? 

I was still awake at midnight, December 30, but I didn’t take a swig of champagne.  Why do we wait until the end of the year to compile “Best of” or “Top Ten” lists?  Why not do a weekly or daily “Best of” list?  Why do some of us wait until 11:55 p.m., December 31 to let loved ones know how we feel about them?  Why do we wait at all? 

In 2011, I started a new job, resigned from that job and instead decided I wanted to help take care of my mom.  I decided that my career wasn’t as important as loving on my mom and trying to do for her the same way she’s done for me the past 42 years. But the other day I realized that I’m NEVER going to be able to repay her for all that she’s done for me.  Not in the time allotted.  So I’m no longer gonna ‘wait’ to do anything. 

I’ve decided that in 2012 that I’m not gonna wait until ‘special occasions’ to celebrate life.  The true celebration is waking up every day to see a new day.  Thanking God for each sunrise I see. Watching my mom fight for her life makes me want to live life to the fullest.  I know that’s cliché, but I totally get it now.  If I want to swig champagne on a random day in April, I will.  I’m going to do a better job of calling my friends and catching up with them and not just on their birthdays or holidays. Instead of just talking about taking a ‘girls only’ vacation, I will actually do it.  No excuses.  Matter of fact, I’m gonna stop saying what I will do and I will just do it.

Yep, in 2012 I’m gonna do what God created me to do…live, share, give and excel.  I may not know what each day will bring and in some ways I’m still searching for my true purpose.  But what I will do is give it my all.  I’m not gonna wait.

What are you not gonna wait to do?

Happy New Year to all.  

Sarah Lewis: Lung Cancer and the Black Community

Sarah Lewis: Lung Cancer and the Black Community.

 

This article is self-explanatory.  Thanks to Ms. Lewis for the insight.

CHOCOLATE!! Chocohotopots on the Food Network

 

My version of chocolate heaven!

Chocohotopots on the Food Network.

Ok my chocolate loving fiends…I’m sharing a quick and VERY easy recipe for a chocolate fix.  That ‘too sexy for daytime tv’ Nigella Lawson from “Nigella Feasts” shared this little quick fix a couple of weeks ago and I finally had a chance to try it last week.  Wow.  It was SO easy and SO doggone good! Even if you aren’t a cook, you can make this gooey chocolate goodness.  Click on the link and take a peak at the recipe on Food Network.

Let me know if you try it! I’ll post a photo of my chocolate creation later.

PLEASE READ – Research, awareness and survival rates for lung cancer continue to lag other major killers » The Commercial Appeal

Research, awareness and survival rates for lung cancer continue to lag other major killers » The Commercial Appeal.

The NUMBER ONE KILLER AMONG ALL CANCERS.  NUMBER ONE.  NUMBER 1.  Lung cancer is the #1 cancer killer.   

There.  Do I need to say it again?  LUNG CANCER IS NUMBER ONE.  Kills more folks than ANY OTHER CANCER.  I knew that before I read it in the article above written by Mr. Don Wade.

This month is Lung Cancer Awareness Month. Some awareness. Many of us fighting this battle are spending more time trying to remove the stigma.  Yep. I’ve written about that in previous posts...the stigma that surrounds lung cancer.  It’s so bad that even those non-smokers with lung cancer seem to look down on those who smoked.  Why is THAT?  Why do we treat people with such disdain? No one wants this nasty disease.  Family members who support non-smokers with lung cancer sometimes look at family members of smokers and say ‘it’s not the same because my mom/dad/friend didn’t smoke’.  It IS the same.  Lung cancer didn’t go eeny-meeny-miny-mo. Or did it?  The fear of the unknown is the SAME.  The pain felt by the lung cancer patient is the SAME.  The hurt the family members feel is the SAME.  But the divisive nature surrounding lung cancer is the main reason I think  it’s been hard to increase funding for research or awareness.  If those of us affected by lung cancer can’t get together, why should anyone else offer support?

I resigned from my job last month so I could focus on helping take care of mom.  I didn’t have to think twice about doing that. I knew it had to be done.  Best decision I’ve made in a long time.  My career working in college athletics administration took a back seat.  Fine by me.  My mom is in the front seat. Always.

I think my purpose now is to help with awareness and support for ALL lung cancer patients, not  just a few.

This disease doesn’t discriminate.   LUNG CANCER IS FIRST ON THE LIST OF CANCERS THAT KILL.  FIRST.  Being #1 ain’t always cool.

I’m daydreaming…again! – Bequia, a Caribbean Getaway From the Getaways – NYTimes.com

Bequia, a Caribbean Getaway From the Getaways – NYTimes.com.

This story about Bequia has me daydreaming and thinking crazy thoughts.  Has anyone every thought about selling all of their worldly possessions and giving it all up for the simple life?  Or, for what we we perceive to be the simple life?  I wonder if I could actually do that.  A few years ago I went to a wedding in St. Thomas, V.I.  One evening a group of us took a water tour around the area on this quaint little ‘tour boat’ owned by  a nice, but scraggly, Shaggy-from-Scooby-Doo look-alike and his very talkative and knowledgeable girlfriend, we’ll call her Velma. Turns out Shaggy was from Tennessee and had been living in St. Thomas for three years.  Can’t quite remember why he moved down there, but I what I remember most is that he was calm and stress-free and even though he skin was tough as leather, his smiling face said that life was good. He said that he didn’t have much, but it didn’t bother him. He has enough money to run his small business, which turns out is one of only a few tour boats in the area and it keeps him busy from sun up to sundown.  He met Velma when she was on vacation with friends, they hit it off and he convinced her to stay.  Wow.

Courtesy: NY Times

I’m not sure that:  1) I would have the guts to meet a man and immediately give up my life like that and 2) I would do that in a place so far away from what I know and am familiar with.  I’m way too structured and analytical to just drop everything and move to the Caribbean to sell fresh flowers at the market.   Of course, I can’t imagine that job in the Caribbean would come attached with much stress.   I’m just not sure I can live without a daily ‘game plan’ or ‘to do list’.

So reading this article made me stop and think…what is the cause of the stress in our lives and would moving to a tropical paradise really make life easier or better?   Does living on a beach with clear, blue waters and a calming, tropical breeze reduce stress and make all of our worries go away?  If that’s the answer to all our problems, why haven’t we given it all up for sand between our toes and fresh grilled lobster on the beach? Is the grass really greener in paradise (or in this case is the water ‘bluer’)?  What would be your idea of a stress-free life? And, if you aren’t living stress-free, what’s stopping you?

By the way, I’m adding Bequia to my VERY long list of ‘must visit’ places!

Single-Serve Coffeemakers: Another Recession Paradox – Edward Tenner – Business – The Atlantic

Single-Serve Coffeemakers: Another Recession Paradox – Edward Tenner – Business – The Atlantic.

Who has one of these single-serve coffee makers?  I like the concept when I go to a waiting room or a meeting; mainly because it’s cleaner and seems more sanitary.  But not sure if I would personally want one. I thought I did when they first came out, but nothing beats scooping out a few heaping mounds of my favorite Community Coffee and waiting for that delicious smell to overwhelm my kitchen and ultimately, my entire house.  Ahhhh, coffee.  The smell alone is invigorating.

Removing The Stigma

Being diagnosed with lung cancer doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re awful or mean or irresponsible.  Being diagnosed with lung cancer shouldn’t make you a piranha.  Lung cancer patients are loving mothers and fathers, dedicated teachers and giving spouses.  Smokers, even former smokers, who get lung cancer, are treated like the scum of the earth.  The difficulty in changing minds and building tolerance is that there are two different ‘groups’ affected by lung cancer…non-smokers and smokers.  Between those two groups, though they suffer from the SAME disease, one group sees the other group as ‘different.  One group feels they are different because they got lung cancer in a different way (even if they don’t know HOW they got it).  What saddens me is that the end result is the same, yet no one seems to focus on changing that outcome.

My mom’s follow-up appointments at University of Alabama-Birmingham’s Kirklin Clinic were 50-50…nothing changed for the worse, but nothing improved either.  My mom suffered through a full day of tests…tests that even the average person would struggle to endure…bone scan, MRI and a CT.  Can you imagine sitting up waiting all day, just to have a 45-minute scan where you can’t move?  The folks at Kirklin were nice enough, but it was the waiting that was more than unbearable, especially for someone who is diabetic, physically limited and mentally exhausted. Trying to make sure my mom was eating between tests was a challenge all by itself.  We got to Kirklin at 7 a.m. and didn’t get back to my house until almost 4 p.m.  I felt so bad for her; but she was determined to make it through the day and despite any discomfort, she fought through the pain if she thought the tests would be able to give us any answers.

Two days later, we were back at Kirklin; this time for a follow-up appointment with ‘Doc Rourke’ (in a previous post I mentioned that he looked and sounded like Mr. Rourke from Fantasy Island).  Anyway, mom ended up waiting almost half a day.  Doc Rourke was way behind and waiting for him got so bad for my mom that we requested an exam room with a bed.  The doctor did not see anything on her brain scan to indicate that new lesions had formed nor did he see any more swelling.  So brain scans were clear and the previous lesions were gone.  However, the other scans showed what we already knew…that the cancer has always been in her bones and in her lower right lung and even after chemo and radiation, never really went away.  We weren’t surprised so it didn’t really discourage us.  Fortunately, she has no bone or chest pain.  But what did take the wind out of our sail was finding out that the pathology company that has my mom’s original biopsy never responded to Kirklin’s request to send those cells for testing.  So, we will never know if mom would have been a candidate for Pfizer’s newly approved drug Xalkori. We always knew that it was a long shot and that the ALK gene is rare, especially in smokers.  But at least it was an option and one that we were willing to exercise. Unfortunately, the incompetent, lazy individuals at the lab in Monroe, Louisiana, chose to ignore the request, thereby removing any chances of possibly extending her life.

Right now, mom’s issues seems to be more heart-related than cancer-related. The swelling in her feet and legs is unbelievable and I’m shocked that she’s even able to walk.  She has no shoes that fit and she has sores that weep fluid constantly.  Doc Rourke was pretty sure none of that is related to the cancer.  He felt that there might be a clot or two and that we really need to follow the symptoms.  Mom is now on hospice care, which seems to be a bit tricky to navigate at this point.  So we’re now dependant on this group to provide the answers, with consultation from her primary care physician.   This whole process is like navigating through quick sand with 10-pound weights strapped around our ankles.  I was told hospice should help alleviate the pressure of dealing with all of these issues and should provide support. 

Each day I see signs of discrimination against smokers and non-smokers who have lung cancer.  It’s not only discouraging, but it’s sad.  Some individuals make decisions based on their dislike for smokers and smoking.  None of us like being around smoke-filled environments, but we don’t know each person’s story.  The blatant discrimination is why there isn’t as much funding, awareness or research being conducted on lung cancer compared to other types of cancer, despite the fact that lung cancer ranks number 1 in cancer deaths.  No one seems to understand how addictive cigarettes are and how hard it is for many smokers to quit.  Granted, there are some smokers who choose not to quit and haven’t tried.  I suppose that’s no different than those who choose to have unprotected sex despite the warnings that doing so could possibly expose them to sexually transmitted diseases and even worse, HIV.  Some people you just can’t reach, no matter how dire the consequences.

Having said all that, let’s not shame or ignore those smokers and former smokers who have had a hard time trying to quit.  I’ve seen what lung cancer can do.  I don’t know how much longer my mom has or how much fight she has left in her. But what I do know is that I plan to do all I can to help remove the stigma surrounding lung cancer so that those who suffer from it don’t have to die premature and painful deaths.

The Art of Patience

Slow drivers. Long lines. No price tag on the last item on the shelf. Rude customer service reps. What makes you impatient? What makes you stutter with anger and talk out loud to yourself? Notice I didn’t list the elderly…you know, old people…someone born about 25+ years before me. Why didn’t I list the ‘elderly’ as something or someone that makes me impatient? Well, quite simply my parents are elderly, by definition. Of course I used to see elderly as decrepit and unaware of their surroundings or unable to care for themselves. I hope that’s not a harsh description, but that’s what Hollywood would make us believe. But that’s not who my parents are…at least not in my mind. They’re my parents. The same people who taught me how to ride a bike, make science projects, learn how to change a tire and make grits and scrambled eggs. What I think we have to do is remember that one day we’ll all grow old, good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise (old folks’ saying).

The folks w/Matthew Mitchell (Kentucky)

So having said all of that, how many of us scream at the elderly when they turn slowly at the corner stop sign or drive 35 mph in a 60 mph zone? I stopped getting mad at elderly drivers several years ago. See, driving is their last tidbit of freedom. Should they be driving? Of course not. They are endangering the themselves and the lives of others. But, sometimes driving makes them feel young again and makes them feel in control because so much of their lives are out of control. And if no one is there to help them, how else can they get fresh milk or buy something to eat?

My mom stopped driving a couple of months ago, after her second stroke on Father’s Day. Even when she was taking chemo, she was driving. Probably wasn’t the safest idea, but she was fiercely determined that cancer wasn’t gonna take her freedom so no one could stop her. But now, I can’t remember the last time she drove her beloved Honda Element. That breaks my heart. How many of you would feel lost if you could never drive your car again? EVER. How many of you would feel like you’re held captive because you have to wait on someone else to take you to the store or go out to dinner? You’re active in many other ways, but you just don’t know the freedom of the road. How sad.

Mom and the Chick-Fil-A Cow

I’ve learned the art of patience through the eyes of my grandmother and my mother. My grandmother was the most independent woman I know; especially for someone born way back in 1911. My grandmother drove until they took away her keys. My mom didn’t have a choice. I guess deep down she knew that driving wasn’t possible after a while.

So I’ve developed patience with the elderly when they are in line at the post office or grocery store. Or waiting at a stop light that turned green 10 seconds ago. I’ve learned how to be patient with elderly women who can’t reach the shelves in the grocery store and I reach to get that can of corn for them. They’re shopping all alone with no one to help them. All we have to do is put ourselves in their position…wouldn’t we want someone to help us?

Tomorrow, practice the art of patience. Take a couple of seconds to help or pray for an elderly person before you decide to mumble curse words under your breath. That could be your mom, dad or uncle trying to exert some independence. After all, if the good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, that will be you one day trying to back out of the driveway without hitting the mailbox.

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